Anxiety Sucks! - Learn how I control my anxiety and stress in life!

Well I have been offline a few days just trying to find myself again. I been reminiscing a lot about the past and all the things that I used to do without fear. I listened to my audio books and did my Easy Calm lessons and meditations. I went through a few bad days of panic but now I am much much better! Let me explain.

On and off my son who is 10 has been having this recurring swelling on the side of his face that makes his face distorted when he smiles. He went through a few shots of antibiotics and a course of steroids and he was fine for about a week after his meds were done. Then it came back again except this time he has a sack that is sitting under his jaw near his throat. I took him back to the doctors and they sent us to radiology so that he could have an xray of his skull and neck. On the xray it showed some kind of mass at the base of his tongue. After I got that news I was in panic mode for about 3 days and I kept getting this choking sensation, it was driving me insane. Then I stepped outside myself and asked myself that if I take the fear away right now is what I am feeling really all that bad? Once I said that to myself my panic went away.

I come to realize that I am 37 years old. I am not a robot. I have feelings because I am alive. I have aches and pains. With all the flowering magnolia trees and live oaks where I live my throat my feel scratch, it doesn’t mean I have some dreaded disease. Plus, I have a child who needs me to be strong. If I am a mess how can I take care of him?

Friday we have to go to the hospital so that he can have a CT scan of his head. I stopped Googling all this mess about his neck and left it in God’s hands and I started praying.

I beleive that all this trial I have been going through has made me stronger. It has opened my eyes to what I need to do in my life. I started my virtual admin business up again and I am eventually going to quit my day job. I already have clients and have made some money so I am hopeful that this will be good. I am spending my time working on this site and making it strong so that I can support my son and I again like before.

So today my son and I went out so that we could get some stickers for his chore chart. I drove to the store, went inside and bought the stickers and I am fine. No panic, no anxiety. I came home and I was actually able to “see” where I live. I know where I live but I never really appreciated it all. I actually went to the club house and had a cup of green mountain coffee. It’s free and I can sit there and listen to soft music while I look at the pool and read the local paper. It’s free. Most Sundays I get the Sunday paper at my door for free. There is a business support center that I can use free. It’s a gated community and it’s quiet for the most part. My son has tons of friends to play with. Life is good. It has taken me a really long time to come to realize that. Almost like I am coming out of a coma after years. I put all my mental junk out on the table and dealt with it.

As far as my sons test on Friday, I will go to the test and deal with whatever the results are then.