Paranoia strikes again
Aug 11th, 2008 by Michelle
You know when you move how it takes a while for it to feel like home? Well I am at that point. If you all haven’t figured it out yet I have a huge trust issue, not only with people but things too. I guess in a way I fear contamination. I went to cook dinner tonight for example and you know how the oven sometimes smokes after the oven has been cleaned? Well mine did that slightly and I had an anxiety attack over if the smoke was going to contaminate my food. Then I made some iced tea from the only bottle water I drink (Spring water – Zephyrhills and sometimes Ethos bottle water if I am out) and I went to put ice in it and I was afraid that the ice cubes may have been not safe then I started thinking about how could I change the filter to the ice maker and then I started goggling weird stuff like spring water ice cubes and even found out that you can buy prepackaged spring water ice cubes, amazing. I won’t go that far as buying prepackaged ice cubes but I have to say it is exhausting to be me. I haven’t been to work since Thursday night and it is now Sunday night and even though I have TONS of unpacking and organizing to do which should keep my brain from going bonkers with the mighty old “What if” syndrome I sit here obsessing over bull shit that I have little control over. I even try and rationalize with myself and I am just going nuts…****DEEP BREATH**** My memory foam bed doesn’t even feel like my own bed. My dog has pissed on my floor like 3 times even though we take him out as needed, he has escaped when the door is open like 10 times. In my old place I had a private entry downstairs so the dog had a lot of running to do before he hit the door, now that my front door is in my living room its easy opportunity for him to run free. I have no Internet unless I can hop on someone’s wireless which is slim to none today so god knows when I will actually post this blog. OK Sorry I am venting……..!
I am not saying that I hate my new apartment. I will say it’s small, like a sardine can. It’s a huge challenge to get everything to fit even though I sold a whole lot of furniture before I moved. My kitchen cupboards are so small that my dinner plate is too big and I can’t close the cupboard door completely. So maybe this means a golden eBay opportunity by selling my excess or maybe this will enhance my organizational skills (Laughing hysterically at that last one).
Today at 7AM I turned in the keys to my old place. I was hoping I would feel like this rush of relief from high rent but I got my last small basket of stuff and dropped my keys in the drop box. I can’t say that I am depressed about it, kind of have no feelings; I just felt sort of the way you feel when you just have to do something, like a chore.
I am sitting here in pure silence wondering what to do next. I feel so overwhelmed, I don’t know where to start, and I have no earthly idea where I am going to put everything. I think that is what overwhelms me the most. I keep telling myself, one box at a time, even if that means a box a day. My stress and feeling of being overwhelmed has resulted in me scratching and causing me to develop hives. In almost every part of my apartment I can see my computer screen and it kills me that I can’t get online! So frustrating!
